Most of us at some time or another have found ourselves repeating a well-rehearsed phrase or opinion, and realising that this time we don’t believe it anymore. We can’t always pinpoint the exact time when we actually we changed our mind, or even how the transformation occurred, but we can feel the hollowness of the words to realise that it’s no longer true. Yet, how many of us actually keep repeating the well-worn phrase merely because it’s far easier to keep our internal the status quo?
New studies suggest we have over 6000 thoughts a day, and when you think that most of these thoughts are on a repeat cycle, without any rinsing, then no wonder we can feel a bit sticky about them. Most of us don’t stop to consider what our ratio of positive to negative thoughts we have. Shirzad Chamin advocates a 75 to 25 percent ratio, which sounds easy, but in fact for many of us without taking time to pause and consider a new perspective – we keep on rehashing the same negative dialogue.
The truth is, what was once a value-based decision can become a gremlin-fueled decision, with very few indicators of which is which, other than how we actually feel. In coaching, looking out for these subtle tell-tale changes is an important process in keeping perspectives up to date and true for ourselves and our clients in any given moment.
For instance, I’ve noticed a familiar phrase I say to colleagues and friends about ‘not being busy enough’. It’s a phrase I’ve said for years to myself and out loud, yet if you ask my colleagues and family ‘am I busy enough?’, they would roll their eyes and probably laugh in your face. I don’t know where this thought pattern originated, and that actually doesn’t matter, but what is important is that I know I no longer believe it – and that I’m on stuck on repeat.
Changing your mind and even perspectives can be a very simple process, almost as easy as tossing a coin and going with either heads or tails. Yet when a perspective is shrouded in values and beliefs the process of change can insight feelings of guilt, betrayal and shame; or just feel a bit awkward. Changing the status quo often calls for recognition of who you are now and an acknowledgement of who you were in the past. Like me, some clients need to feel the discomfort of their belief many times before taking time to consider other options and explore alternative perspectives. Through coaching and by taking heed of our emotions and the way in which our inner voice tells us something is not quite right; we can let go of the past and redesign our present.
Anyone can find the courage to change their beliefs and to make choices for today; ask yourself what’s the alternative and are you ready? If like me, the time is right to search for new perspective, a new statement, or to simply change your mind about someone – then why not try these techniques:
- write down your new perspective as a visual reminder,
- rehearse what you will say and do before the situation arises,
- tell a trusted friend or colleague what you plan on doing or saying differently, using them as your accountability partner,
- do a negativity dump, writing down all the thoughts and opinions you want rid to a 5-minute timer, not stopping till you are done. Then rip up the list, shred it, or put it in the bin.
If you want to explore more with myself or one of my associate coaches, then get in touch.
Values – beliefs and feelings which are important to us and determine who we are, often showing up when we are passionate about something in our lives.
Gremlins – also known as your inner critic, this pessimistic voice can often be heard at the point of change, or when doing something differently, and is a familiar noise or voice.