A study using fMRI found that we had between 6000-6600 thoughts in a day, that’s about 6.5 thoughts in a minute. What is harder to quantify in minutes is the difference between when we are feeling stressed and relaxed as to the level of thoughts then. What we do know from research, and we can all relate to, is that panicked thinking tends to feel more intense, stronger, clearer and harder to dismiss than those moments of relaxed thinking when our thoughts feel less intrusive and our thinking feels slower and calmer.
When we go into our survival brain response of fight, flight, freeze, flop, and fawn, we are operating from our amygdala, which senses danger, releasing adrenaline and cortisol. Our cognitive abilities are reduced, which can encourage us to catastrophise more, see reduced options, delay decisions, or jump at the first solution.
Our language can change during these stressful times, with us leaning towards a more negative frame. Not surprising when we have more negative to positive emotional words in vocabulary, 1.4:1 or 2.4: 1 depending on where you look.
So what can we do when things don’t go to plan, when we wake up feeling less than rested, or when even before our morning cuppa we’re faced with an impossible challenge? We can help our brain move from survival mode to success mode by what we tell ourselves, by changing our default negative response towards a more positive one instead. In other words, tapping into our Growth Mindset.
For instance, instead of saying “I’m tired, too shattered to sort this” try telling yourself “I could do with more energy to solve this.”
To help you get started in switching your negative frames to positive ones, here are some of the common conversations we have with ourselves and others.
❌ Don’t forget to…. ✔️ Remember to….
❌ I don’t know ✔️ I’ll need to think about it
❌ That’s not a bad idea ✔️ That’s a great idea
❌ This is going to be really ✔️ This is going to be an exciting stretch for us.
❌ What exactly is your problem? ✔️What specifically do you need help with?
❌ I’m sorry, I don’t know anything about that ✔️I’ll need to find out for you
❌Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to criticise you or anything but…. ✔️Can I give you some feedback on….
❌I just can’t think of a way round this ✔️I’ll need to think about this
❌ So where did we fail? ✔️ How could you have done this better?
Like most of our default responses, we catch ourselves when we don’t do it more often than when we do. That’s totally normal. The trick is to rewind and rehearse what we would say next time, and have a few chosen phrases to practice each day.
So what will you tell yourself today? I’d love to know.