Last time I shared with you the fabulous four questions from Katie Byron.  These are really powerful reflective questions which some of you may have loved, and others may have not connected to.  There’s more than one way to peel an orange, so here’s some other ways you can build up your self-esteem when you are feeling a bit wobbly.

  1. Start with compassion – we are often more caring, loving, supportive and compassionate with others. We need to turn around the loving kindness we bestow on others, onto ourselves.  Recognise when you do something well and also when you fail and get up again.  Remember to ask yourself – ‘would I be kinder to someone else?’ and if the answer is yes, then find something kind to tell yourself.
  2. Create a winners list – we can forget all our past achievements and personal wins, those little victories that naturally build up our confidence. So take a moment to celebrate by writing down at least 5 things that you are proud, happy, feel good about, or got praise for in the past 6 months.  When you feel down, revisit the list to remind yourself– and don’t forget to keep it updated.
  3. Stop the negative chatter – we all have an inner critic or two (or at least 10!) chipping away at our self esteem. When you hear the whining, the criticism, the judgment tell it to ‘shut up, ‘go away’ or simply say ‘thanks but no thanks’ to their negative suggestions.  Sometimes just stopping the chatter before it really sinks in is enough.
  4. Have something to aim for – Dr Carol Dweck suggests we set ourselves SMART goals, something to work towards that will give us a sense of purpose, a focus for our time and emotions and a reminder that trying something new isn’t about succeeding, but learning as you go.
  5. Ignorance is bliss – when we don’t know what is going to happen, whether someone is going to like us or not, or if something is going to work out; there is nothing to worry about. Aim for moments of ignorance, the unknow and give your negative mind a break and feel the bliss of the not knowing.
  6. Childhood photo – if you can, find a photo of yourself aged 8 or below. Or simply remember a time when you were that age.  Remind yourself of what you were like, what you loved doing, your family nick name, and all that was possible when you were this smaller version of you. That carefree, excitable, earnest, happy soul is still there – sometimes we just need to remember that’s still us.
  7. Through someone else’s eyes – if you were to ask someone who knows you really well, what they love or like about you, no doubt they’d find a handful of positive reasons. So, when you are feeling low, imagine asking for their opinion on the situation and hear the positives they would say to you.
  8. Reframe – like most things in life we can choose to look at things either positively or negatively. Whatever we choose then becomes our reality.  So look for some positive aspect in the situation you find yourself in.  And if you are really, really struggling to change the frame of your thinking – then choose acceptance.
  9. Relax and breathe – when we move our emotional state from stressed to relaxed we are encouraging our brain to operate out of survival mode into success mode. We know from research that simply taking a few calming breaths or moving our mind into our bodies, even in minutes, has a positive impact on our sense of wellbeing.
  10. Embrace your imperfections – Brene Brown reminds us that the great leaders accept their flaws and are willing to share them. Being vulnerable is about being open, honest and human. We are all imperfect perfect human beings, so why pretend to be anything else.

If you’d like to find out more about how we can support you, then get in touch and let’s chat.